A Better World to be a Girl — with Hernest
It only took three pregnancies, multiple weight gains and losses, reevaluation my relationship with my body and the food I put in it, but I realized the other day that, maybe for the first time in my life, I’m finally, truly comfortable in my body. 26 years in this vessel, and the funny bit is that, generally speaking, I only altered one little thing to arrive at this new mental comfort zone.
The only thing I changed, you ask? The messaging I intentionally surrounded myself with.
Let me ‘splain.
I’ve never struggled with a diagnosable eating disorder, or had any major self-esteem problems. I’ve always been “healthy,” except for that time in my first year of college when I, astounded that I could literally eat bagels whenever I wanted to, experienced a true Freshman Fifteen.
And yet, as is the reality of being a girl raised in today’s society, I joined every other girl I knew in the ranks of self-comparison almost without thinking about it. The team “occasionally skip breakfast” so I feel skinny. The harsh diet follower. The pick-apart-your-appearance-until-you-find-something-not-ok squad. The embarrassed chair of the tiny-titty-comity (sorry mom, I said “titty” on the internet…). The member of the flat stomach but wants curves crew. And then I had curves and wished them away.
See what I’m getting at?
My “non-diagnosed, not-there-issue, barely-affecting-my-self-esteem” body image ran so much deeper than I realized. Until I changed who I was looking at.
You see, this year, after having Aria essentially, I surrounded my online life (don’t laugh…it’s more influential than you think) with women who were honest about their appearance. On purpose. In the best shape of their lives, recovering from an eating disorder, a few pounds heavier than they’d like, plus size, size zero…the appearance didn’t matter…the messaging behind it did.
I surrounded my scrolling with women I trusted to not retouch, to show themselves on the good days and the bad days too, the women who were ok with how their bodies fluctuated and celebrated it throughout each day, week, season. These women didn’t necessarily look like me (and some did), but they celebrated themselves and witnessing that was enough for me to do the same.
It’s almost impossible to see an image of someone’s body and not compare it to your own, so the messaging behind that image is more powerful than you think.
When I started following women like @hannah_neese, @thejuliachristine and @thebirdspapaya … my perspective on self-love shifted little by little. For the first time out of three postpartum recoveries, I wasn’t counting down the days till I fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, I wasn’t comparing "before and after” images of myself, I wasn’t trying to suck in a belly that had housed three babies, or ignore that I couldn’t even squeeze into the pants I wore to take my 10-week-pregnant photo.
And so, I want to show a different kind of “before and after”. The 9-months in, 9-months out photo is trendy, but rarely is it done in a way to celebrate a mother’s postpartum body. Typically, if unintentionally, these images are construed to portray the mama in a much more “flattering” light than in her full-term pregnant state. But, that of course isn’t quite the full picture.
Nine-ish months in. Nine-ish months out.
And this mindset change in my own slow-discovering mind, makes me excited that this is the day and age in which I get to raise three daughters. Yes, the world is still screwed up and no, we’re not nearly done putting in the work to normalize all bodies. But compared to 20 or even 10 years ago, imagery truly has changed. I’m grateful that, no matter how my daughter’s bodies look when they’re my age, they’ll be able to find someone who looks like them. They’ll be able to, without too much digging, find words like “your worth isn’t in your size” and, hopefully, believe it. They’ll be able to choose who they fill their feeds with (if that’s even a thing in 15 years…) and, I hope, that until then, the women who are here now, on this page of history, continue doing the important work of showing up for the girls of tomorrow’s page.
A big part of making sure we, and our daughter’s generation, continue to see this kind of imagery and representation more and more often is through supporting brands who make it a reality. For so long, we were fed an “ideal body” picture that young girls tried relentlessly to achieve. In order for that ideal to be broken and more (ie. all) bodies become normalized, brands like Hernest Project, the kind sponsor of this blog post, who are putting in the work to include all, should be recognized and supported. In addition to featuring bodies of real women of a variety of sizes, Hernest uses certified organic, plant-based fabric, and ensures that their pieces, packaging, and practices are as sustainable and ethical as humanly possible. Their website states so beautifully that sustainability — much like body acceptance — is a journey that evolves and grows overtime. It’s rare to find a brand that meshes all of these important factors together so, ahem, seamlessly. In this post, I’m wearing their Aldae Tee and their Betty Sleep Brief.
We need brands like Hernest, and brands like Azura Bay — the ethical lingerie marketplace my maternity/nursing/real life bra in my “9 months in” photo is from — who are committed to making women of all sizes, budgets, and backgrounds feel sexy and valued. Brands like the ones from this List and this one who are making it clear that you don’t have to look a certain way to love yourself or photograph yourself, or wear things you believe in.
These are the brands of tomorrow and the ones who are working to make this a better world to be a girl.
This post is sponsored by Hernest Project and is part of a long term collaboration with Azura Bay. As always, all opinions, photos, and creative storytelling are my own. Thanks for supporting the brands that make SL&Co. possible.
