Nearly all but two years of my adult life has been spent breastfeeding a child. The journey is a strange one each time with its unique challenges, beginnings, endings, and habits. My body hasn’t been “mine” for almost as long as it has been a mother, and although there are days when I desperately want her back — to myself, without a small hand pulling and prodding me or a small body physically dependent on my own — most days, I’m simply in awe of the way of a mother.

We give. We create. We sustain.

Usually without a second thought. It’s who we are.

It’s who we’ve become.

This is my third time through the baby-phase and of course, each time is different because each child is different and each version of myself during those years has been different. But this time, with sweet Aria, our intuition is so primed for each other and our knowledge is so deep of one another that the two of us hardly have thought twice about any of it. Sure, we’ve had rough nights, a difficult first and second trimester, and our share of frustrations, but when it’s come to the big decisions (how to sleep, eat, provide structure…) Aria has welcomed me to my most intuitive stint of parenthood yet.

Although I nursed my other two girls beyond their first birthdays, we are currently going on nearly 20 months of breastfeeding with no end in sight. Is this due to my sheer determination? No. Is it because I haven’t wanted to quit? Absolutely not. Is it because Aria is a dream child with no nursing difficulties? Again, no.

In this post, with the important caveat that I’m the farthest thing from an expert, I want to share a few of my “extended breastfeeding takeaways” that I hope will encourage another mother who may be not as far along the timeline as we are (or maybe one who needs a boost of solidarity).

This isn’t medical advice or tips for keeping your supply up or anything legitimate. Like everything I write, it’s simply my experience, shared with the hope of it being relevant to someone else’s journey. I’d love to hear your own breastfeeding journeys in the comments below! Please don’t be shy.

Before I jump in, it’s worth explaining why I chose to share only images of me pumping, instead of actually breastfeeding Aria. These were taken on our anniversary staycation a few weekends ago and, although we were in different locations, I continued to provide for her. That mindset is true for all mothers, no matter the age of their baby, no matter if they breastfeed or not, no matter the situation. You’re a provider.

I had been up all night (ironically, our first night away from her, I was up sick, unable to sleep the long awaited night of sleep), but still, I provided. You, too, no matter where you’re at on your motherhood journey, are a provider.

Secondly, providing looks a million different ways. It might mean exclusively pumping. It might mean opting for formula because it’s what both you and your baby need. It might mean weaning earlier than you wanted to. It might mean nursing into the toddler years. You provide for them, but you also provide for yourself.

There is no rule book, there is no “right way” to provide. This Lotus Pumping Bra from Cake Maternity helps remind me that motherhood is full of transitions and our bodies simply mold to meet them. It looks like a “regular nursing bra”, but with a simple slide of fabric, it’s compatible with breast pumps, breastfeeding, or even working out sans baby/pump. Pieces that convert into all areas of a mother’s life — beyond breastfeeding — are the items worth investing in. Breastfeeding is simply a part of you, not your whole identity, after all.

My lessons, so far…

Your body knows what its doing

The first time around with Evie, I was so focused on my supply, sticking to schedules, and making sure I was doing it “right” that I missed out on an incredible opportunity to better understand my own motherhood, intuitively. Most of the time, barring any medical conditions or true supply issues, our bodies know just how to do it; this motherhood thing. All we have to do is learn how to listen.

Your baby knows what they’re doing

Similarly, babies are born knowing what they need. All we have to do is get to know them and their signs. This stays the same as baby grows, and conveniently, learns to communicate their own needs to you. Aria’s constant hand down my shirt is a continual reminder of her current dependence on me, a literal sign of my role to her. So much of motherhood is unlearning what we think we need to teach our children and simply letting them teach us.

You will get your body back

Whether it’s a month or four years, breastfeeding is a season that will eventually come to a close. After the third time, I’m hyper aware of the transience of this phase and although in years past I was all too ready to have my “body back”, this time I’m mentally soaking up the months I have left as a breastfeeding mama.

You’re paving the way for the safe space you’ll always be

Intuitive motherhood is safety embodied. We are the safe harbor, the warm bed, the cozy blanket in the face of so much growth and unknown. Even when our babes are small, we are setting the standard for the safe space we’re always going to be for them. To me, this time, breastfeeding until she is ready to stop is a tangible reminder that she is heard, safe, and free to go at her own pace.

Babies and toddlers don’t keep

Three babies grown from my body and I still have a hard time fathoming that Aria will be as big as her sisters one day soon. She won’t need me in the same ways, she won’t depend on me as deeply or viscerally as she does now. This season of smallness is brief and, to us, extended breastfeeding is a nod to that beautiful relationship in its earliest stages.

Mama’s, you are doing an amazing job. You are being you, in each of the many forms that takes as a mother. You are providing, and that alone is remarkable.

I’m forever grateful for brands like Cake Maternity who allow mothers to lean into each of their roles, seamlessly. They design maternity and breastfeeding friendly clothing and lingerie that is a welcome comfort to the “comforter”. Pieces that are accessible, comfortable, and sustainable are one of the only ways I’ve been able to make extended breastfeeding a reality for us this time around.

What about you? Has your nursing journey looked similar? Completely different? Let me know in the comments!

*Thank you to Cake Maternity for sponsoring this post! As always, all reviews, imagery, creative direction, and opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting the brands that make this space possible.*

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