"Slowing Down is a Power Move" and Other Lessons from My Latest Read
“Stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower over your circumstances” — Maya Angelou
This morning on my way out the door to the shop, the girls were just waking up, getting their breakfast, and putting on a show before school. Mara, my 7 year old, turned around from the couch and said proudly, “mama, I did my power poses this morning”.
The phrase comes from Presence by Amy Cuddy, my first read of 2023 and a book that is shaping up to be one that will stick with me. I’ve been sharing it with my family because the takeaways are so simple yet profound. and I thought I’d share a few snippets here, in case you’re looking for ways to own your ideas, gain confidence, and learn more about how your body/mind connection can empower you.
Oddly enough, I picked this book up on a whim while browsing the shelves of our local library waiting for my oldest to finish up basketball practice one night. The word “presence” felt almost too aligned with my word for the year: embody. “Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges” is the sub-title.
For most (or all?) of my life, I’ve floated somewhere between introverted and extraverted, but always felt a strange disconnect with my body (classic enneagram 9). In college, I struggled to put myself out there, rarely spoke up in classes, and always felt my thoughts weren’t worth contributing, despite coming from a high school and a family that intentionally encouraged us to engage and challenge ideas. Writing was where I found my escape, and I felt, as I grew up, that I could confidently express myself online. But the disconnect between expressing my ideas in person through spoken words (through my body), and the ideas in my head (mind) was still strong. Opening my own business forced me into many roles that have stretched me and pushed me outside of my comfort zone, and I wish I had the verbiage from Presence sooner.
Cuddy, a social psychologist, mother, speaker, professor (and more), shares poignant stories and research about imposter syndrome, connecting with people, and owning our ideas, with simple solutions like how we position our bodies, that can be life changing in challenging moments. One of the most simple but profound takeaways is that you can "fake it till you become it”, in almost any situation. Of course we won’t feel confident, empowered, and excited about our ideas all the time, but I’m excited to implement her ideas in real life, whether it’s in conversations with customers, presenting ideas to town boards or potential investors, or simply showing up to a new group of friends and showing my real self. It all takes courage, personal power, and being “embodied” (connected to our bodies and mind simultaneously) and this book really tied it all together for me.
She talked about “slowing down as a power move” and, not surprisingly to anyone who knows me, that phrase reaaaaally resonated. Slowing down, as in not rushing to respond during conflict, weighing your words, taking up space in a conversation and in a room, are all ways that women especially are conditioned to not do. In a recent TikTok I posted that unexpectedly went viral, there were trolls galore and you probably know the feeling when I say I couldn’t sleep without responding or “defending” myself. It seems like a silly example, but online trolls are as hard to deal with as any other “real life” challenge and had I been armed with Cuddy’s advice sooner, I’m sure I could have saved myself a few sleepless nights and feelings of powerlessness.
Take a deep breath, sleep on it, sit up straight, open your chest, remind yourself of your why.
I’ll link her viral TedTalk that started it all here, and a link to her book too in case you feel inclined to pick it up. If you do read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Shoot me an email or message on Instagram with how it impacted you. My 7 year old’s reaction to the concepts in her book are enough proof that everyone has something to takeaway.
